Mediocrity.

Your breath stank of mediocrity

your words were filled with despair

your condition was terminal

your personality beyond repair

Your beliefs were  the carcass of your ancestral fears

you spewed them as and when

the neighbors were a victim of your continuous 

unapologetic rant

You linked your beliefs to what you thought

the society actually felt

But a group of people without vision

were just a zombie camp 

To this zombie camp 

you proudly said you belonged

but little do you know

that you are ill-informed 

Sometimes in the name of religion

Sometimes in the name of faith

you kept repeating those words

kept making the same mistake

Till one day you met a woman

who spun your world around

she told you to step out the line

find your own ground

You didn't listen to sound advice

you just listened to the sound

for the advice you receive 

might not be important

till the advice is own self found

So your breath still stinks of mediocrity

and with mediocrity you shall die

unless you search your conscience and tell your fears goodbye

Connect the dots and not all dots might connect today

but one day when they all make sense

you'll thank thee that day

Everyone deserves greatness

Mediocrity is small play.

Sharul Channa

My middle-class values.

So, what is wrong with saying Namastay to your older folks at a function, wedding or gathering. My parents taught me to say namastay to every uncle or aunty whenever i saw them -  as a sign of respect and that's what i have grown up with. That's not it. When i was young,my mom used to make me put my hands together and seek blessings if we passed by any temple, mosque or church. Once, i put my hands together to seek blessings from a building that looked like a temple..turned out it was a government office in Delhi!  I felt like an idiot.
 It used to be ok though to say namastey to aunties and uncles! Absolutely fine! Suddenly, the society decides its not. Apparently, its uncool to say namastay nowadays. Just say HELLO aunty or Uncle and the next statement you might hear is  - "Don't call me aunty..just call me by name!". That itself is such an aunty thing to say! If you are 20 years older to me…i'll call you aunty alright! Especially if you are Asian! With white folks, don't you dare call them aunty or uncle cos that's not their culture and its perfectly fine! It's not something they have grown up with. Every taxi uncle in Singapore is uncle and every lady is aunty.. this is just a sign of respect.

I am from a middle class family. We are brought up in a certain way and those values or teachings stick with us for life. Mainly also cos the values were taught using a stick. I am from the ' Don't sit on the sofa with your legs on them' and 'don't ever eat the last samosa on the plate' generation. Family functions at our place used to such an interesting affair. Every once in 6 months, all the middle class families would gather at one of the family's house. So if the gathering is at our place..the following would be checklist.

1. Ethnic bedcovers for each bed set in the house and once the beds have been tucked in with these dust exuding but colorful bedcovers, none of the children of the house could sit on the bed till guests have arrived and seen that we are a clean family!
2. 'Corning Corelle 'crockery out of the cupboard only after 6 months especially for family functions cos god forbid any of us ate in those 'crystal plates' and broke them
3. 5 Main Dishes with Basmati Rice cos Basmati rice meant you were rich and an oval salad plate decorated with Tomatoes, Cucumber, Daikon Radish (mooli), Lemon and Onions. It was our duty as kids to decorate this salad plate so we stay distracted and don't sit on the neatly tucked in beds.
4.  A tray with 4 goodies to be served with tea or soft drinks placed on the sofa table.

Families would trickle in with their little gifts which would range from our brand of middle class chocolates also known as - "ferrero rocher" and the one gift all the families had chipped in for - ANOTHER 'Corning corelle' crockery set.

As children, we would be obliged to bring the other kids in our rooms and sit around talking about redundant shit while our parents would sit outside talking about stuff that didn't matter. The fellow kids would be dressed in their best outfits that they were  forced into by their parents and obviously had a crying match as the material was too prickly and they felt like they were attending a child marriage or worse - were the child getting married.

Once dinner was announced, the kids would have the privilege to have their food first and moms would join along acting like they were feeding the kids but at the same stuffing their own mouths as they were tired from all the bragging about their child's talents and grades. While that would be going on at the ladies and children section, fathers would be busy with their whiskey-soda,non- veg platter and salad..occasionally getting nudged or eye-balled by their wives so that they don't get drunk and start behaving unruly. The fathers were usually forced by their wives to eat their dinner as soon as possible using their children as an excuse with statements like - "Bunty has art-class tomorrow morning..we'll have to leave soon..have your dinner."  Bunty, on the other hand, was busy having a pillow fight in the room with the other kids and has no idea he has been used as a pawn to get this father to eat."


Once the men started with their dinner, the dance and song segment started where the children were told to entertain the "crowds" by dancing to bollywood or Michael Jackon songs. This was usually done so that the ladies could have their fair share of dancing without looking like they wanted to do it. So basically, the kids were the first-to-be-on-the-dancefloor losers so that the cooler people could join in later!

Once dinner-dance was done, families would start trickling out of the house as it was too late while the nicely tucked ethnic bed covers were on the floor cos the kids had a pillow fight and the sink was filled with crockery waiting to be washed. Once everyone had left, a very drunk father would be sitting on the sofa watching the late night hindi movie and mum would be making the tired kids pose for pictures using the kodak camera. These pictures were usually taken against a flower pot or a mirror for that double effect. After this was done, mum would bring out the gifts given by the other families in hope that one of the gifts would be for her…but alas - the corning corelle crockery would appear and she would put it away to use after 6 months. We, the children, didn't bother cos we could sit with dad and watch a late-night movie for once without being told to go back into our rooms.

The one thing common in all these parties was that every kid said Namastey to each other's parents when they came in and before they left the house and till today these now grown up kids say namestay to my parents when they meet them. I do the same to their parents. Mutual respect.

So hey, Namestay.
Yup, you too aunty.
Live with it.

love,

Sharul Channa

I am not a dirty girl.

I am not a dirty girl. Wait..i am not a girl anymore. Thanks for calling me a girl but what is dirty?
I 've recently heard people in their 50s come up to me and say - "I love your work sharul, you dirty naughty girl!" Hey..thanks for the compliment but what's with calling me dirty or naughty? What do you mean anyway? Is my face filled with mud or am i wearing soiled clothes? So then i figured. They mean i spew these bad words sometimes and might say some inappropriate things like for example : SEX. May i ask? Why is sex considered dirty in asian countries or why is it considered dirty anyway?
Don't you folks sit around your group of men and women and share these sex jokes during parties and laugh to yourselves. Then why is it wrong if i take the mic and tell a couple of sex jokes. To be completely honest, i hardly have any sex jokes but even if i did..EVEN if i did..why is it naughty?

I am no dirty girl. I thought i was when i was little. I thought it was wrong to even think of sex till the age of 18. Cause that's the legal age for many things..i thought one day when i turn 18..suddenly, it'll be ok to think of sex and all these thoughts would just gush into my mind cos they finally have permission to but till then..let me just control all these thoughts and not let them in. Suppression. I suppressed my sexual thoughts for the longest time. Of course i was human so when thoughts would enter this little sharul's head at the age of 14…she would close her eyes shut tight and start praying and then her thoughts would be a culmination of sexual positions and deities which would then lead to more guilt and suppression. Is it just me? Is it? No, its not. I am sure that millions of asian teenagers have been through the same.

Around that same age, i started liking a boy. Or i thought i liked him. It was  flowery imagination of singing around in a park with him and being a submissive little lady with household chores as responsibilities. I let myself indulge in these thoughts about him for years. So did i like him? No. I liked the scenarios i created around him in my head with him being my hero. Was he that hero? No. Did i have sexual thoughts about him? No. It was all emotional. So i emotionally developed and sexually became so much more suppressed. I didn't know why i had so much pent up frustrations in my body. My body was extremely hot and i don't mean it sexually again. You see? I had hormonal issues..pimples popped onto my face like it was some sort of 'pimples unite gathering'. Till today, my skin breaks out with these pimples. I have just learnt how to live with them now. I blame this sexual suppression for the cause of my bad skin. I do. No release.

It's weird cos we are never meant to enjoy our sexuality..boys or girls. Why don't we ? Why do we  get shy at the prospect of masturbation. Why don't we talk to our children and tell them that it is alright to feel these emotions. So many people out there go without being sexually active even after the age of 18 because they think its something they can live without. No. It's not! It is in our basic nature to be loved physically and enjoy our bodies. So am i dirty? No..i am not! I am absolutely healthy and i let myself be explored by my partner. So if i happen to talk about sex on stage someday and its a joke that happens to make people laugh..i will perform it! Cos its not dirty my friend, its life.


Thank you!

Love,

Sharul Channa

The Big Leap.

hey people.

So i have decided to get traditionally married. Yup. You heard it right and you heard it from a freakin blog..that's how i do it! You know i just really want to avoid the whole..this relative heard it from this relative heard it from this friend and then i have an argument in the house about who leaked the news out. Things are meant to be if they are meant to be. To be honest, i don't believe in the concept of 'the marriage' cos i have seen enough marriages with commitment issues. Marriage and commitment can co-exist but don't necessarily do. Still, i think our families need closure and i think alright.. let's give it to them. It's happening in November and i want it small so if you don't get invited…just don't invite me for yours! It's that simple. If you did invite me for yours and i can't invite you for mine - i am sorry..we have a quota! Its money people..i rather save that money for a holiday with my partner than spend tons making it huge. Its a personal ceremony anyway and all we want are your blessings. Which now boils down to the following QUESTIONS..

1. Where shall the wedding be held?
2. Do i really have to go india to shop for my wedding?
3. What food do we cater?
4. Can i not do some of the misogynistic ceremonies that are all man-made..(i probably won't)..

If you catch me looking lost and slightly disjointed..its is cos i am looking for a place to get married.

Yea..

Pretty much. That's it.

Love,

Sharul

Do I self-censor myself?

(Photography by Evan Murphy)

Do i self-censor myself? Sometimes. I am guilty of that. I live in a country like Singapore where i am forced to cater to groups of people from different ethnicities. Does that stop me from pointing out the cultural differences that i happen to notice? Nope. It doesn't. There is a fine line between making fun and simply pointing out our cultural differences. Then there are the audience members who say - "I am into smart comedy..you know? Intelligent jokes? You know not about race? Witty humor?"

I always laugh at such comments. Mr Bean has been making billions of people laugh with his physical humor..sometimes knocking himself down and sometimes getting himself involved in the most awkward situations ever. We burst out laughing at those "Just for gags" tv programs where people are punked into believing certain situations. We all laugh at those jokes. What is witty, intelligent , smart humor anyway? If you are making a room full of people laugh..its simple..you are funny. Stand-up comedy is all about personal experiences and often as comics we start off stating the cultural differences between different races that are obvious to us. And yet..you hear these statements. Smart humor might make you want to "think" but people watch stand-up for different reasons. Some want to hear your funny stories, some don't want to think at all and some want to be challenged. To those who want to feel mentally challenged..all i want to say is - there are other options..like for example Sudoko or a maths class. That's what i think. At least that's what i laugh at. Simple observations. We all get better as writers. The more we perform and watch other comedians..our writing gets better. Stage time is key here. You can't trade off stage time with anything. We jump up on stage and find new things every time we do. Sometimes we don't find anything. We get bored with our own jokes and then crack our heads to write something that means something to us but we try to take a different approach. 1000 ways to look at one subject. It isn't easy! I can tell you that! Having said that, if you love the art of stand-up..the writing process is such an exciting journey. From the writing pad to the mic - the joke evolves. Some jokes are funnier when written as a status update but the moment you say it out..it loses its charm. 

The one thing i am scared of is though  is self-censoring myself. I might have started doing that in the fear of hurting people. I need to get out of that bubble. Someone is bound to get hurt..i find my personal experiences painful but hilarious. When i am over the pain, i will be able to pick up the pen and write about the absurdity of it all. I am in process of doing that. In the middle of it all, i break down and then i continue writing till i start humoring myself. If you look close enough, every funny story has shades of tragedy in it. Nope, i am not depressed about anything. I am just trying to awaken those numbed areas of my experiences that i never wished to acknowledge. That process requires some shaking and waking up! You know how you sleep on your hand and then wake up feeling like its dead and then you frantically rub it into life again! Yup, that one. Awakening in process.

See you at the next comedy show.

Ta!

Warmest regards,

Sharul Channa

Open-mic.

OPEN-MIC

We enter the room with our little notebooks
mumbling to ourselves
fist bumping fellow comics
whispering remarks to our peers
We glance around the room to see
how many are there
how many seated
front seat
Looking at the line up
we see our position
we see who closes that night
One eyebrow raised and a smile
we eagerly wait for our turn
pacing in and out of the room like maniacs
Sometimes sharing new jokes with a trusted comic
Sometimes keeping to ourselves
typing statuses on Facebook to perform to social media
Fear, sweat, excitement,nervousness
Time to perform
We throw all that we have and make them laugh
some hits
some misses
End on high and leave
We scribble on our little notebooks again
Think why something worked
Why it didn't
Feeling optimistic that next time would be even better
with a hope to write an hour
with a hope to get more laughs
with the eagerness to perform yet again
We reach home
Slouched over
Looking at our laptops
and hoping we could perform this new joke
That just popped into our heads
to an audience
eagerly waiting for the next time
and the next
and the next
Open-mic

Long Overdue.

Hey hey folks!

So yeah, my previous rant was rather hard core and i didn't know what to blog after but i've come around and decided that i have so much more to say. Blogs are a thing of the past aren't they?At an age where we could just switch on the camera and say whatever we wanted to and just upload it on youtube, how many people actually want to type out and write a blog that might/ might want not be read. Having said that, writing just helps you release something off your chest and makes your 2nd level thoughts surface faster. That's where ideas for jokes rest. The second level. What does that mean anyway? I guess i mean to say..ideas for jokes rest in the subconscious mind and till you don't scratch the surface and talk about the obvious..you don't quite get to these hidden emotions,thoughts,expressions that are waiting to be felt,heard and expressed. So many things have happened in the past months. For one, I was part of a two handler stand-up/comedy skit show called 'The Rishi and Sharul Show' but apart from that i was just going through some emotional turmoils which i have pretty much sorted out now. Yes, it is extremely difficult for artists to write, perform and express when they have a sea of unresolved issues brewing inside of them  but i guess there is a way to cope and in the past few months i learnt how to do exactly that. Being able to use that chaotic energy to perform. There is something therapeutic about performing to a group of people. For an hour and a half - you just have one goal and that goal is to entertain. It helps you release the stress that you've been harboring inside of you from the turmoil. Theatre healed me these past few months. It's personally been a great learning curve.

I have decided to write so much more now and this blog seems to be an outlet i could use. Sometimes you just got to put it out there. It doesn't have to be funny all the time. It just has to connect. So here i am connecting.  Hope to write so much for myself now because i think it is even more important in a time like this to speak the truth or write it.

So, i ll be here writing much more and if you happen to find me here....perhaps i could somehow connect with you.


Love and regards,
Sharul Channa

Canvas Laugh Club, Mumbai - Please Pay Up!

Attention: Stand Up Comedians all around the world

 Serious matter guys. Here’s the set up.

I am a comedian based in Singapore and I write this post with grave concern and as a warning to all with regards to a negative experience with a specific comedy club in the city of Mumbai.

In the month of April 2014, I was hired, along with two other comedians from Hong Kong and The Netherlands, as part of an all-female comedy troupe, to perform at this club. ‘Hired’ might be the incorrect term, as you will learn later in the post.

They booked our flights. (Visa fees were paid by the performers, with a promise of it being reimbursed.)

Fees for the performances were agreed to be confirmed after the show, based on door sales. Upon completion of the show, an invoice was sent to me with the amount due. 

It’s been 6 months since the performance ended, and despite several emails, attempts at phone calls and requests to sort out the payment, nothing has been done. The employee who was dealing with me has also left the job and now there is no correspondence from the club.

Wait, that’s incorrect of me to say. There was one email from someone saying:

“We will look into it.”

They must be looking in the Bermuda Triangle, for they seem lost.

I thought I was alone, but apparently, several other comedians have performed at this club and have not been paid.

My aim of sharing this letter with the comedy community is to let you all know that this club, claiming to be the ‘only full time comedy club in Mumbai’, has allegedly done this with several comedians and we were just their latest victims.

As the one dealing with the club, my international colleagues asked me, “What’s going on with the payment from 6 months ago?”

I just shrug my shoulders, and have no answer.

It’s upsetting because they had heard stories of unprofessionalism, conning and cheating that happens in India, and this was raised as a concern as to whether we should do the show or not. I assured them that we are dealing with a professional team and India has progressed leaps and bounds in terms of professional working ethics, but, alas, I have been proven wrong.

My advice to any comedian who is being offered a show at this full time comedy club : do the gigs, only if you are treating it as an open mic show. DO NOT EXPECT TO GET PAID, regardless of what you are told or promised. If you are making the trip down to the city and the club, insist on cash payment BEFORE you go on stage. Otherwise, refuse to do the show.

Alternatively, avoid the club completely. There are many comedians in Mumbai who have the integrity, class and talent to put on a solid show, so if you like, I am happy to share those contacts with you.

The venue, staff and set up will make it tempting for you to do a show for nothing, because it’s a fab room with a great crew. So if you’re going in with that mindset, fair enough.  

However, if you are someone who wants comedy to flourish, and be a viable career option in your country, I propose you choose to work with someone who has a similar goal.

The audience in Mumbai is top notch and a joy to perform to, so don’t let your first show in the beautiful city with beautiful people be mired by an ugly experience.

To all comedians out there: you are a ‘stand up’ comedian, not a “get walked all over and exploited’ comedian.

Warmest Regards,

Sharul Channa

Singaporean Stand-up Comedian

Stop Nagging Your Spouse

Are you constantly nagging your spouse? Do you hear yourself telling your partner off all the time? For one, please know that your partner is not a child or a dog. He/she doesn't need to be stopped from what he/she wants to do - all the time!  - unless of course they pooping on the carpet or smelling another bitch's ass. Then you got to intervene and get a trainer. 

Do you have the 'Ignore Syndrome' where you are closely watching your partner at a party -  from a distance and acting like its all cool until you reach home and that's when you are going to unleash the claws and give your partner a lesson on what he/she should be avoiding. 

Do know that nobody wants to be told that they are wrong. Everyone has an ego that might get hurt and everyone just wants to have a good time. Here is the disclaimer : Your partner has  his/her own baggage and it could have been possible that they dated an abusive/ alcoholic/pedophile/psycho before you but you are not responsible to cure that shit. If you can't take it - move on. Still, stop nagging - this is the number 2 reason for why many relationships  have ended. Number 1 being -  murder. 

So what are the things that we nag our partners about? The following are the compilation of top 3 things we nag our partners about.

1.    ALCOHOL

Stop drinking! This is your last drink! 

Unless your partner is an alcoholic, please stop nagging your partner about having drinks. Unless of course, he/she makes an ass of himself/herself after a few drinks and it happens more than twice. Till then, please…let them be. You don't know how stress affects people and sometimes they just wanna kick their legs up and have a couple of drinks. Weird imagery but you get the point.

2.  YOU DON'T HAVE TIME FOR ME

 If you can't enjoy a meal with your partner cos they are always traveling or busy - you both got to find time to be with each other. Nagging about it - not going to help. (Neither finding another bf/gf is )

 You got to ask yourself a question - are you not occupied enough with interesting activities or work ? You got to learn how to be comfortable with yourself being alone if you truly want to have a good time with your partner. Sometimes we push all of our loneliness to our partners and expect them to entertain us. If you need more of your partner's time - just ask. If he/she is being difficult and is completely avoiding you…strangely - it could be 3 reasons :

You Stink.

He/She is very stressed with work

He/She is planning a surprise for you

Most probably, the 2nd one!

Spend quality time with yourself too.

3.   YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE.

A relationship requires work. Hard work. Don't be complacent in the relationship and don't expect your partner to know everything that you may want. If you want something - ask your partner. Don't just say - you don't love me anymore. Fight it out if you have to but don't nag about it all the time. Your partner will start believing that maybe the love is gone. 

If you want something ask - OYE! CAN WE GO FOR DINNER PLEASE? I MISS YOU!

Sometimes saying : " I miss you." can be so difficult to say. People are usually scared of rejection and don't want to sound needy.

Just say it. OYE ASSHOLE, I MISS YOU! Say it.  

Look at this list and the actual meaning behind the statements your partner might be making. 

Why didn't you call? :  Meaning : I miss you

Why don't you bring me out for dinner anymore? : Meaning : I miss you

How do i look today? : Meaning : I miss you

Why don't you spend time with me anymore?: Meaning : I miss you

Why did you shake hands with that guy/girl just now? : Meaning : I am psycho so break up with me

Nagging and being nagged at can drain you of your energy . You rather spend that time wisely saying things like : I love you. 

;)

Warmest Regards,

Sharul Channa

Nagging Partner of Rishi Budhrani

The Perfect Halloween Night.

This Halloween i choose not to dress up as the zombie, the maid or the casual 'cut two holes in a white sheet kinda lazy ghost' and decided to keep it comfortable. Yup. The last thing i needed on the freaky friday was to dress up with full make up and sweat the night away dancing in an overcrowded club where i would possibly get butt screwed while nobody was looking - yes, i am talking about attica.
I have had so much fun hanging out and having weird conversations with people on halloween nights at Clarke Quay in the past years.  Once I met someone who dressed as an ATM machine  (an expat obviously). It was nice to see him attracting so many women who would put their hands into the slot and he would give them a chocolate in exchange. I always wondered if he hooked up with anyone that night and spent any money on her cos then rightly he would have played the part of an ATM. All you women who are getting pissed off, that wasn't a woman degrading comment..it was a JOKE. I also went to Zouk once for halloween night and saw an indian man in swimming trunks and a float around his waist doing the breast stroke the whole night as part of something he might have thought was called 'dancing'. If he spent that much effort doing the breast stroke in the sea - he could have swam to Batam and back.  Halloween is one of those events where young Singaporeans and expats drop their guard, dress up and take pictures with one another . It feels like national day in its true sense. Probably more bonding than national day itself. The clarke quay bridge is one such place where many music buskers, university groups and drunk couples hang out and indulge in conversations with random strangers. This bridge is probably the friendliest place that exists in Singapore. So, what did i choose to do this halloween? Celebrate it my way by appreciating life.

Drinks and some gambling at Singapore Swimming Club, an hour of foot reflexology and back rub session ,sumptuous food at spice (bedok) with bollywood superstars Hrithik Roshan and Katrina Kaif dancing on the screens of the local eatery mocking our midnight diet. As i dug into my plate of Nasi Kampong chicken, hrithik roshan flaunted his abs and gave me a full meat-eating experience. Numerous conversations with my good friend Aditya made this one even more enjoyable. 

This, ladies and gentlemen, was my perfect halloween night. 

Warmest Regards,

Sharul Channa

Waking up early and other bullshit.

If you're just on the way to the office - this post will serve you well. I hate waking up early in the mornings - never liked it. Even when i had to wake up early for university in the morning, it felt like i slept for only 5 minutes. I would drag myself out of bed and make 10 trips back to the room cos i had forgotten to bring something to the shower…either my undies or my deodorant or some other redundant  product i had bought from  watsons as a motivation to feel good in the morning. Yes, did all of that.  The reality was i had forgotten the one thing i should have brought along with me when i woke up - my brains. My brains were still tucked into bed and snoring real loud. I am clearly not a morning person and hence i have never had a proper 9am to 7pm job. I really admire people who can do it. I really want to punch those people in the faces who wake up at 6 am to get ready to go to the gym. What's all that about? You pretentious pricks. Can you smell the jealousy? If i have ever woken up at 6am - its cos i was just extremely hungry. I stuff my face and go back to sleep. The best feeling in the world is to have a meal and sleep right away. The worst feeling in the world is when you get up feeling like a hippo stuck in mud. I have tried all the tricks in the book - bathing in cold freezing water, which is a terrible idea btw! Have you ever tried to take a cold shower bath in the morning? Its like you have to find a strategy to fully jump into the shower so you don't shrivel up like a testicle. You wet your tummy first - then the bottom - then the hands - then the face - then the legs and then you take a deep breathe and jump in. You come out of the shower really alert cos you've had a brain freeze. And then cos of our wonderful humid weather, you start sweating. I don't know how people dress up real good in the morning and don't melt on the floor by the time they reach office. I have seen some well dressed people in the mrt - gelled hair, tight skirts, smart suits and walking to work with a purpose. Yes, that's right! With a purpose! The only time i have had that purposeful walk is when i am walking towards an outlet where a sale is about to start or when i want to overtake to let the hot guy walking ahead of me know that i exist too..completely ignoring him of course. I think all office-goers should go to work in their most comfortable clothing..i mean if you're not comfortable, how do you work? I also think all office- goers should be allowed to leave office once they think they have reached their peak performance for the day. That way we won't have peak hour traffic cos everyone reaches their peak at different times. Geddit? Geddit? Shut up.

Don't get me wrong - i have done some real odd jobs while i was growing up. I started at the age of 14. Every holiday, i would take up a part-time job to earn some shopping money and attaining some skills. I have worked as a tele marketeer, a jewelry maker at a kiosk in an upmarket shopping center, product promoter at the petrol station, an extra for a channel 5 program and then finally a speech and drama for the longest time.

Learning from experience, there was one thing i knew from a very young age. I wasn't going to work hard for someone else's dream - i was going to work for myself. I did go for a couple of interviews at multi-national companies when i was confused about my career but the interview questions confirmed why i wasn't going to go for those jobs.

1. What is your expected salary?

My answer : How much do you expect me to work. It really depends.

2.  Why should we choose you?

My answer : Cos god came in my dreams and said that if your interviewer doesn't choose you, his balls will fall off past midnight.

3. What are your strengths and weaknesses?

My answer : From where i stand, my strength is in making you believe that i am good enough so you will hire me and my weakness is the free stuff in your office pantry.

What kind of stupid questions are these?  I have the qualification - you have the job…don't make us lie to you. Come on! Why do you want us to sugar coat it for you? Those circle 1 to 5 questions are the worst cos they remind me of "multiple-question answer options in schools".

Example : How would you rate your leadership skills? 1 - being the worst and 5 - being the best

This is how they judge you depending on what you circled.

1- You are Under confident
2. - You're unsure about what you want in life
3. - You went to a local university and want to be safe…good job. You will follow our system.
4. You're a bit too confident.
5. Hitler

Bullshit.

For all you office-goers, i hope you woke up on time and please have a great time. I am going back to bed. I really respect what you guys do though - i could never do it.

Anyway, i cut my hair yesterday. Just so you know!

One more day to friday - you can do it!

Love and Laughter,

Sharul Channa

Is He Into You? by Sharul Channa

I am 100 percent Singaporean Indian and I can tell you that I have had no man come up to me and say that he would like to go out on a date with me. I just had to read into the signs and listen to my friends who would occasionally nudge me when the token Indian guy in secondary school would walk past. They would nudge me because he was the ONLY Indian guy in the entire class. Now tell me something, if there was only one mango in the fruit basket but it was rotting from the bottom half, would you gladly eat that mango. I know some would argue that they would slice off the rotting half and still have that mango but I was not going to go through all that trouble. Not for Subramanium Marimoorthi. Very earlier on in life had I realized that living in Singapore, I was not going to get laid very often and if I did get laid it would be for a waxing appointment at a beauty parlor in Serangoon Rd. I was outspoken, brash and laughed without covering my mouth and as you would know, that’s not the typical Singaporean schoolgirl behavior. I didn’t have my school shirt tucked into my skirt till my breasts popped out and my priorities didn’t lie in having longer eyelashes. What I did start doing then was helping other friends in their relationship problems and helping them decode the famous question, “ What do you think he is thinking?”

Yup – that nagging question in everyone’s mind would be, “If you had never been in a relationship, how can you advice anyone? I would just like to mention that the man who invented the famous Atkins Diet had passed away due to weight issues himself. Correct. You don’t have to follow the same rules you create but can become an expert by merely observing. I had lusted over men so much that I had started thinking like them. So without further delay let me begin answering the question that all you desperate women who have to resort to this article to find out that answer have been waiting for. “How do you find out if a man likes you?”  Now firstly, I just want you to ask yourself a quick question – has he messaged in the past 24 hours of you reading this article? Now unless you and your “friend” have had a fallout – he should have messaged. If a man likes you, he will let you know that he does. It’s that simple. The radar in his pants will direct him towards you and he will make every move in his book to get you to connect with his wifi. But how can you be sure that he is really into you and not just wanting to get into you? That’s the difficult question. Look out for these signs.

A man who is really into you he will never rush to get into a relationship with you but will still let it be known that he is interested.  He will ask you out for drinks but will not try to get into your pants immediately. He will keep an open communication but will keep in touch so you don’t forget him. He will try to find out what you like and what you don’t and he will tease you very often to get a reaction out of you. He will listen to every thing you have to say very attentively and prove to you that he remembers each thing you say by bringing it up in a conversation – “Let’s not go to town today, I know you don’t like crowded places.”  Now if all of you women are done reading the above information and thinking about the man that has been keeping you in all that suspense – slap yourself out of it and get those wet undies out of the way to read  about the men you need to avoid. There are enough douchebags in this world who have a strategy to poke you and add you to the list of  “hot women we rejected after screwing them” that they look at every morning before they leave the house. It’s their version of a manicure, pedicure topped with a full body massage. These men are like the ‘red rubber band’ from the chicken rice packets. You only use them once and they are not for personal use. If you tie your hair with one of these rubber bands – you are bound to hurt when you untie your hair losing at least 5 strands. So who are these men you avoid? You need to avoid a man who purposely messages you and then says he did it by accident. He is playing you and he doesn’t have the guts to admit that he is into you. Cross out.

Avoid a man who name drops and lets it be known that he has had a relationship or has slept with hot girls in the past month just to show off to you and make you feel like you need to be good enough.  Cross out. If this man makes plans with you and you had to cancel, he will most definitely mention his alternative plan that sounds much better than going out with you. Cross out. Also, a man whom your best friend doesn’t like is most likely a man you want to avoid. Why? Cos if he can make the time and effort to impress your best friend he wants to stay on.

Always remember, the bad boys who try to lead women on start balding at 30 and their package is so used that it almost looks like an over boiled vegetable in a bowl of noodle soup. No nutritional value. Now if you will excuse me, its time for me to go spend some quality time with the only man I have dated for the past 9 years and am married to now. Yeah bitches – be jealous. Don’t bother, he is #Sindhi. Till the next time - Over and out.

Being a Woman - A Strength or a Weakness?

Photography by : Prakash Daniel 

Many times. Several times. Enough times for me to write about it have i been asked this question
Is it a weakness or a strength to be a woman on stage? A young girl sat across me with curious eyes and dreams so fresh that i could smell them off her long beautiful dyed hair and fair soft skin like butter milk. She grabbed her paper and pen - thanking me for coming down to oblige her for an interview for her university's class project.

Topic : As a female/woman comedian - how is Sharul Channa coping in the market since it is a male dominated industry.

Just this once i prayed under my breathe hoping she will interest me in talking about  other topics to do with comedy or she will ask me the same question in a way  that i won't even realize she is asking me this question i have been asked a thousand times.

She managed to succeed in asking me more than she intended to and i answered more than i had intended on answering. At some point, the conversation boiled down to - so is it a strength being a woman or a weakness?

I found myself just hesitating to properly answer the question. Somehow i couldn't find the words to put it in a sentence - maybe i needed a paragraph. I believe sometimes while talking to others, you manage to find a nugget of knowledge which you didn't otherwise think you have or could come up with. It's like you connect with the divine or some sort of energy to say something so profound that you shock yourself - did I really say this? I ? Who am i to know this? How did this simply drop into my psyche, my soul, my brain?

Many a times women start to believe that its strong to be a weak woman and its weak to be a strong woman. Meaning?

If you come across  as a strong woman- you know the sort…yapping about everything and talking about woman rights and what she really thinks  and making bold statements because she truly believes what she is saying. Society tends to think that she is too strong and women should not be like that because we're not supposed to have such strong opinions. God forbid if you have a husband who speaks less or have a good friend who keeps quiet - Suddenly, they start looking smarter compared to you and people go , " Oh, your friend is very sweet and classy!" and all they have to say about you is…"You potty mouth!"

These judgements are many a times made by women themselves - for other women. Some sort of jealously to see a liberated woman because they themselves could never speak so freely. It happens.

So what was my answer? Strength to be a woman or a weakness?

Many women have made their gender their own weakness. I have heard many say - "but how will i do it?" ," but i need some help? " , "but i am alone?, " but what will they say? " , "but i don't know?" ,
"should i say something? " , "things will sort themselves out." , " I need to discuss this with my husband."

Funnily enough, i have heard these same women say things about other women who dress well and run businesses and go for late night parties - " Ah, she is such a slut!" , "Just look at the way she is dressed!" , " She doesn't really take care of her kids!" .


I think the day women start thinking that they are good enough and self-sufficient to achieve what they need to - their relationships will improve and so will their self-worth. We make it difficult for ourselves by heavy negative self-talk and  we disgrace other women at the same time. We need to empower each other and face society with confidence,power and continue to work hard. Believe in yourself and everyone else will. You could be a man and take this same advice. You need no one's support but your own. Go out and do something. One thing everyday to prove to yourself that you are self-sufficient. Its perfectly alright to love yourself and let it be known. Yes, at the same time - don't be mean to others and please keep your kindness intact.

How do i find my confidence again? - some might ask.
Book a flight for one and travel alone to any destination. Get lost and find yourself. It is the most beautiful feeling in the world.

It's a strength to be a woman and weaknesses can be manipulated to become another strength.

Go find a paper and make a list of things to do and call it
If i wasn't afraid of anything - i would :
And then do those things.

I will write my list below and you could share yours with me too.

If i wasn't afraid of anything - i would :

1. Smile more often
2.  Call up some people and tell them that i truly love them
3. Go hiking
4. Take a trip somewhere to just write more jokes
5. Book a theatre and do my one hour show
6. Cut my hair - Pixie style
7. Start my own youtube channel
8.  Do a corporate show without feeling extremely nervous of saying the wrong things
9. Wear sleeveless cos i have always been shy of my arms
10. Tell my dad that he needs to watch one of my stand-up shows without me bursting into tears because it will be emotional for me

Yeah.

The interview went well btw and it was great talking to Dora - hope she finds her strength in being a woman and fulfills her dreams. :)

Btw, if you think i am too strong a woman for you to handle - you have a weakness you need to work on. ;)


Love and laughter,

Sharul Channa

#Countingblessings

Featured by Anokhi Media

Featured by Straits Times - several times this year! 

Entertained a large group of audiences so far this year! Here is a small picture ;)

Hosted many shows too!

                         Started Gypsy Comedy Singapore In Association with Moshi Moshi Bollywood

                     Performed for Superkam 2 twice this year and sold out shows with great feedback !

Performed in Delhi, Mumbai Twice this year!

Hosted/ Performed for 4 shows - Singapore Comedy Fringe 2014 !

Toured with 'Comedy on heels' - We performed in KL, Sabah and Mumbai !

More shows! 

Performed in Bangalore and Singapore as an ensemble cast of
Gangamitrdhaara! ( Samarpana festival 2014)

Another night by Gypsy Comedy Singapore !

Performed with Kumar as part of 'Kumar and the Gypsies' at Star Performing Centre

Again, an all woman show as part of the Singapore fringe festival !

Loved performing on the stage of Home Club as part of Comedy Masala.
Home club became canvas this year but i still miss the stage and the memories it brought.
I started doing comedy on this very stage - 3 and half years ago.

Had the privilege of getting my close friend Vernon Lewis to perform at Moshi Moshi.
He is no more but he lives in our hearts forever and ever.

Hosted this show featuring Ali Zafar