The Great Indian Emotional Blackmail.

How do you know you're being emotionally blackmailed?
Very simple. Do you hear the following statements too much around the house?

1. But he is such a poor thing. Oh,my son.
2. I am just an old hag..i will cry and eventually die.
3. Never mind..i can spend my own money.
4. Sometimes when i see other people with their grandchildren..i wish we had one too
5. If you weren't around..i don't know what i would have done.
6. I gave up my life for you.
7. He gave up his life for you.
8. I have not bought myself a single thing since our last anniversary.
9. We always fed you first and sometimes we slept hungry.
10. Look, even my underwear has a hole.

If yes, read on.
If no, read on…you probably are being emotionally blackmailed and are in denial. If you're not Indian..i am sure you have your own version.

What is the cure for this?
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TADAH! The cure for - " The Great Indian Emotional Blackmail. "

There are certain routes you can take.

1." The revenge of the great indian emotional blackmail"
     This means you do the EXACT same thing back to the people who are emotionally blackmailing you by using the same tactics they are using on you.

For example :

A (E blackmailer) : " I will eventually cry and die.."

B ( The blackmailed) : "Same."


There you go!



2.  Cry baby!



For this one -  cry out of the room every time you think you cannot handle the situation.

A (E blackmailer ) : If only my elder daughter was here because you do nothing for me..

B (The blackmailed) : Run out of the room crying and then run out of the house crying and run down the hill crying until you find a shop to buy yourself a nice cool drink. This will make your blackmailer worried that you might do something wrong to yourself and they will relax the fuck down.


3.  The cold reaction AKA - THE REBEL.

You have to give a cold reaction to each statement your blackmailer gives you.

B ( for a change..i would like to make B the emotional blackmailer) : "My legs have been hurting but i don't ask anybody for help..can u please help me clean my dishes?"

A ( The blackmailed) : "No."



4. Confuse them with other information - "The distractor!"

A (E Blackmailer) - "Your father is still alive - he can pay for my expenses..!"

B (The Blackmailed) - " Father was saying that he wanted to bring you for a holiday btw…i think to disneyland since you're into games."

A : Huh?!



If non of the above work - SLAP YOURSELF IN THE HEAD and come up with your own tactics.
Being emotionally blackmailed causes mental stress and unhappiness in you. Stop being treated that way.


Thanks,

Sharul Channa

Being Politically Correct.

Dear One and All,

Hope you're doing well. Well,today's topic is how important is it to be politically correct as a stand-up comedian. I just have to say that i am not a clean comedian and what do i mean by that?
A 'clean comedian' is one who doesn't swear on stage and her/his act doesn't have any sexual references . If this comedian can make you laugh with his/her  'clean material' then this comedian can do more and more corporate gigs. I just wanna say though that its not more difficult to be a 'cleaner' act. Some might argue and say that - " OH! -  A sex joke can get you an easier laugh!" but i don't think that is possible. People nowadays have easier access to youtube and the internet to read and watch different kinds of comical material and they are very much educated on what's out there. In short, people can look through bullshit. How important is it to be cleaner? Essentially, i think that every comedian should just follow his/her own journey in comedy and not try to be clean or dirty. There was a time when i first started out when some comedians thought they had the liberty to come to me and say - " You shouldn't swear too much or you shouldn't be so manly on stage!" but when i tried to please people - My comedy suffered.
Every comedian has to follow his/her own journey in stand-up and that means to be truthful on stage.

If you're not the kind of act who gets hired for corporates very often - don't fret. We just have to keep writing and crafting our jokes well and jumping up on stage to try out our material. With every gig, you learn something new. I know i do. Recently, i did Pune, Delhi, Mumbai ,Bangalore and london and in each of these cities, the audiences were so different. So then how do you find out what to do? - You just throw yourself in the deep end and give it your best shot. Does it then matter if you are getting enough corporate shows? Do your comedy so well that people start hiring you for the comedy you do and not the comedy they EXPECT you to do.

Also, i would personally would like to mention..NO COMEDIAN should give ADVICE to any other comedian unless the advice has been asked for. Very simple. If i respect a comedian,i would personally ask them myself and i know that they would gladly help. They know who they are. If not - shut the fuck up. :) It's very simple. If you would like to advice someone..it should only be about stage craft..like how to hold the mic, standing under the light or where you should place the mic stand. All comedians are unique and they have their own journey..don't think you have the permission to sit anyone down.

If something doesn't work on stage - the audience will let you know. They are the best judge of it. If they are laughing, you have successfully done your job. I will never advice any comedian…Like any other job, you have to work hard and concentrate on doing better. Keep writing and gigging. Rest is bullshit.

Thank you for reading and my punctuation will always suck.

Warmest Regards,

Sharul Channa

You are mad if...

                               
So there are certain things i have done in my childhood and while i was growing up..and honestly i haven't fully grown up and never will - YOU GET THE POINT! There are certain things i still do and people turn around and go - YOU'RE CRAZY..but i honestly believe that many people do the things i do but i guess silently? I am going to list them..if you're as mad as i am..let me know i am normal! Thanks!


1. Playing the Game " The man in the next advertisement is your father."


So you're sitting down watching tv with a group of friends and there are umpteen advertisements going on and you suddenly go, " Hey Mary, the man in the next advertisement is your father!" Everyone waits for the next advertisement and her father ends up to look like a chinese man with hair loss problems and everyone laughs!



2. You would have at least once in your life applied super glue on your index finger and tried to stick your thumb and index finger together? No? Just me? Shit.



3. You would have at least once in your lifetime switched off the light of the toilet while your sibling was having a shower just cos you want to take revenge!


4. You have made funny faces behind an old aunty to make your mother laugh while she was having a serious conversation with her.


5. You have seen someone slowly walking to the lift and instead of waiting for them you passionately press on to the "Close door"  button so you can see the split second of "BITCH" look on their faces.


6. You also love it when people can't get into the MRT despite rushing towards the door just because the look on their faces is EPIC!

7.  You have taken a friend's phone and msged/whatsapped people things like
    1. I am a disco dancer.
    2. I am jealous of you.
    3. Your father is on TV and
    4. I'll suck your tits dry


8.  You have quietly squeezed a woman's ass on the dance floor just to watch her look around and suspect the first man who looks 'suspicious'.


9. You have dug your nose and stuck the booger on the wall as a "WALL OF FAME" and signed right under it.


10.  You have at least once in your life - drew a line on your friend's neat notebook while they were writing something cos you HATE neatness.


So people, if you have done any of these..let me know that you're as mad as i am..if not share your mad stories on the comment section below! Thank you!


Love and Laughter,

Sharul Channa

10 Things All Mothers Should Tell Their Sons

10 Things All Mothers Should Tell Their Sons

1.  You are not a prince. Get it? Ate your food? Go put your plate in the sink! Nobody here is your maid…yes i pick up your dishes sometimes but that's because i love you but don't take this love for granted. Your wife won't do this for you..you still have to do it yourself. The least you can do is pick up your freaking plate! Asshole!


2.  You can't dance!? What kind of an idiot are you..women love men who can move..move it then! Stop waving your hand in the air and buying drinks for girls..that's not how she is going to get into your pants.

3. You wan't a virgin woman who hasn't dated many men as a wife. HAH! Reality check..just like you have been a playa all your life..you will also get a playa for yourself. Karma. It comes around. What do you think cinderella was doing all her life? She was banging couple of the male servants in the attic!


4. Your woman doesn't have to work? haahahahhahaha  Remember! Don't marry a woman who can't support herself or stand on her two feet..she has to work as hard as you do and respect her for it.

5. Your wife can have as many male friends as she wants. Trust her. She will trust you too. Its mutual trust.

6. Do you know how to make tea? Learn how to make it - your girlfriend might love tea and you will have to make it most of the times.

7. Your woman is going through loads of bodily changes all her life. More than you ever are. So please be kind to that lady. It's not easy at all.

8. If she doesn't want to have kids - don't force her. Kids are not important for a marriage. The important thing is to be happy.

9. Don't stay with us after marriage. Move away with your wife. Get your own house.

10. If i ever fight with your wife because we both might have our own insecurities - don't get involved or you will get fucked for life. FUCKED for life..you geddit?


+


Wank off twice a day. Don't touch women as and when you like without their consent. That's rape.





Thanks.



Love,

Sharul

I am crude.

Yes.
You heard it right.
Some pretentious people think i am crude as a stand-up comedian.
A potty mouth they call me.
I am too honest for them.
Yup.
You heard it right.
A man can talk about it all he likes.
His feelings about an orgasm.
His thoughts on having sex with a woman.
I cannot.
I cannot talk about what i feel because it makes you feel uncomfortable.
Does it?
Oh - we want smart humor!
Oh do you?
So you can clap with 2 little fingers and sip on your expensive wine.
I am sorry.
You know what?
I am not sorry.
I will say what i like cos that's my truth.
If you don't have the heart to handle the truth.
You walk out.
Yes.
You heard it right!
As long as i hear people laughing - i have done my job.
So you can bring your high society bullshit out of my face.
Cos whether you like it or not.
I will do it.
It's my truth.
I owe it to myself to say my truth.
My truth is simple.
I cannot be dainty for i am not.
Perhaps you should search yourself.
If something affects you - it could be you.
Inside somewhere - you don't have the heart to handle that particular truth.
So say what you want.
Say i am crude.
A potty mouth.
I ll do what i have to.
Search for my truth.
You do what you have to.
Be pretentious.
For i owe it to myself.
And you owe it to your high society bullshit.

Stand-up comedy in Asia from my perspective

Dear One and All,

This post has been long overdue but better now than never. I have had the privilege to travel around Asia with my comedy in the past 3 years of attempting to do stand-up. I say attempting as quite honestly - 3 years in stand-up can hardly consider as you being a 'professional stand-up comedian' or at least i think so. I've performed in Malaysia ( KL, Sabah, Penang), Hong Kong and Macau ( as part of the hong kong international comedy competition) , India ( Delhi, Mumbai ) and have performed with comedians from Philippines,China,India,Malaysia,Thailand etc. I've also had the privilege to do open-mic spots in Australia ( Sydney,Perth) and went over to the US last year to accompany Rishi Budhrani to watch him perform in some prestigious clubs as part of his win at the Hong Kong International Comedy Competition in 2012. As an observer-performer, there are certain things i would like to say about the new explosion of the Stand-up Comedy scene in Asia. For one - its over-whelming to say the least and its wonderful to see the way its turning out. Lots of positive and lots of mistakes being repeated. Let's start with the positive.

Positive things about the Stand-up comedy explosion in Asia

1. Thanks to the 'Russell Peters' Phenomena that took place, many aspiring stand-up comedians cropped up in Asia. In a small country like Singapore, we have 40 open-micers out of which 6 stand-up comedians are traveling, doing corporate shows and being approached by show promoters to perform around the country and region.( Note : In most part of Asia, people pay to watch open-mic nights.)

2.  Most Asian countries  now have regular open-mic shows  and professional comedy shows running quite successfully ( Singapore has one of the most popular comedy shows called : Comedy Masala)

3. The media has gotten wind of this ' new wave ' and is quite proactive in promoting stand-up comedy and its comedians.

4.  Youtube has become more vibrant with funny content coming from all over Asia and stand-up comedians in Asia are forced to up their game!

5. Asian comedy festivals are cropping up ( Hong Kong International Comedy Competition, The Weirdass Pajama Festival in Mumbai, Singapore Comedy Fringe Festival etc)

6. Many more stand-up comedians from the West have performed/ are coming down to perform in Asia hence serving as a learning experience for Asian comedians helping them connect dots with the west.

7. Full-time / Part-time comedy clubs providing regular opportunities for stand-up comedians who have a 30 minute set.

There you go! All positive! Fantastic. Now for the Negative.


Negative things about the Stand-up comedy explosion in Asia

1. For all stand-up comedians in Asia : Listen up.

 You might have been performing stand-up comedy for say 3 years like me? Or 5 years? Since this is a new wave - its easier for the media to get to us and hence for us to be covered in the papers. This does not..read again..DOES NOT make your a celebrity. You can have 300 people watching you perform stand-up shows regularly..you're still NOT a celebrity. Stand-up comedy is being truthful to yourself and finding your voice on stage..the moment you start thinking that you are bigger than your audience..its time for you to spiral down to zero. If you are using stand-up comedy as a medium to get famous or join the movies - perhaps you want to reconsider being in the profession.

2. Local Humor Vs International Set

I know many of us fall into this category of wanting to do local humor because the majority of our audiences are locals but if you want to travel with your comedy - we all have to make an effort to write international material so we can travel and mark our country on the global comedy map. I have been guilty about writing just for my country but this realization has changed the way i now write. The difference is simple..you've been writing about your country..now it's time to talk about the world as an asian. The small shift makes a big difference. It might sound simple though but its lots of growing in the dark and jumping up at numerous open-mics to test out material.

3. Let's have millions of shows and millions of open-mics

Stand-up comedy in itself is a challenge so what makes you think you can become a promoter?
Not everyone can run a comedy room successfully so you got to ask yourself if you can manage being a stand-up comedian AND a promoter at the SAME TIME. Many stand-up comedians/open-micers are now running numerous shows in their cities..what's going to soon start happening is that the audiences will start getting confused as to which show they should go for and numbers will start dropping. Some people will go as far as to do comedy shows for FREE which will then bring all your hard work of building up a scene to zero. Even if its an open-mic - you got to charge money for a performance. When i say performance - you got to have a poster, a line-up, a good host etc. Regular stand-up comedians have to come together to come up with a monthly comedy show time-table so that we are not stepping on each other's toes.

4. STEALING MATERIAL will tarnish your name + NOBODY can MONOPOLIZE comedy

Please don't try to accelerate your process of wanting to become a better comedian by stealing material from other stand-up comedians/ the internet/ old jokes etc. This will not help you in the long run and word comes around. TRUST me..we know who you are!

Also, there are some comedy promoters / Stand-up comedians who will try to monopolize comedy - they cannot. Please know your worth and be dignified. If you think someone is trying to control comedy in your city..talk to them..they could just be very insecure. Don't be mistaken in thinking you can control art..you cannot. Artists will master their trade and move on to do their own 1 hour shows..its a normal process.


So people - these are just my observations. Some of you might agree and some might disagree..after all we are artists..opinionated. :) Enjoy your comedy…keep writing! keep jumping up at open-mics! AND most importantly…KEEP IT REAL!

My punctuation is really bad but your attention span is great. Congratulations on reading till the end.

Love and Laughter,

Sharul Channa

When I was a little girl...

When I was a girl..a very little girl : Age 8
Ma asked me, " Beta, what do you want to become?"
I said," Ma - I want to be an actress..i want to dance and sing.."
She said, " Haan beta, sure!..You can be who you want!"
I wore frocks and short skirts with colorful sleeveless tops.
I sat on the sofa with my legs all over the place and drooled on the carpet while watching TV.
When i grew up just slightly - Age 10
Ma asked, " Beta - how was school?"
I replied, " Very good - i made a new friend..he is a very smart boy!"
Ma said," Good beta - i am glad you made a new friend."
And i grew more - Age 14
Ma said, " Beta - i want to talk to your about something. It's called Puberty."
I said, "I know ma - look at these..my breasts have developed.."
Ma then looked at me and said, " Its time beta..sit down on the sofa with your legs crossed and don't talk to many boys for THEY will talk.."
I wondered why but i complied.
And i grew more - Age 16
My mom said , " Beta - time to choose your subjects! What do you want to study?"
I said, " Ma i want to do Acting! I will be an actress Ma!"
She replied, " Nahi beta - you will need to study something more substantial. This is a hobby."
I replied, " No ma - i will study acting!"
Ma gave up on me.
I grew older. Age 20
Ma said, " Listen beta, now that you have completed your diploma and degree..its time you get a job..a 9 to 5!"
I said - " No ma - i want to be something else..something different!"
She replied - " You need to save up beta for the FUTURE. The Future?!"
I grew older. Age 25
Ma said : " Now beta - its time you get married. All girls have to get married. This is the RIGHT time. Its the RIGHT time beta..you have to sit well when you meet his parents..dress up covered and give up on your childish hobbies.."
I replied : " Ma - you said i could be anything i like..do anything i want..why does my chest feel heavy ma?"
She replied : " Don't worry beta - i did it, your grandmother, your sister..its normal."
I asked : " Ma - can i live on my own with him..my partner?"
She replied : " Now - we no longer make the decisions for you beta..they do! Ask them.." 
I grew older. Age 27
Someone said - "Why aren't you married! Get married..you need to have kids on time..go..!"
Someone else said - "You need to do this..everyone does it!"
I said - " Something doesn't feel right..why doesn't it feel right..?" I need to make my own decisions..i need to live my dreams..i need to fly..i don't want children..i don't need anybody…i need my confidence..i want to fly..my feet are tied..i want to run for i don't want to have a daughter i will teach all these lies.."