Monday, 27 October 2014

Is He Into You? by Sharul Channa

I am 100 percent Singaporean Indian and I can tell you that I have had no man come up to me and say that he would like to go out on a date with me. I just had to read into the signs and listen to my friends who would occasionally nudge me when the token Indian guy in secondary school would walk past. They would nudge me because he was the ONLY Indian guy in the entire class. Now tell me something, if there was only one mango in the fruit basket but it was rotting from the bottom half, would you gladly eat that mango. I know some would argue that they would slice off the rotting half and still have that mango but I was not going to go through all that trouble. Not for Subramanium Marimoorthi. Very earlier on in life had I realized that living in Singapore, I was not going to get laid very often and if I did get laid it would be for a waxing appointment at a beauty parlor in Serangoon Rd. I was outspoken, brash and laughed without covering my mouth and as you would know, that’s not the typical Singaporean schoolgirl behavior. I didn’t have my school shirt tucked into my skirt till my breasts popped out and my priorities didn’t lie in having longer eyelashes. What I did start doing then was helping other friends in their relationship problems and helping them decode the famous question, “ What do you think he is thinking?”
Yup – that nagging question in everyone’s mind would be, “If you had never been in a relationship, how can you advice anyone? I would just like to mention that the man who invented the famous Atkins Diet had passed away due to weight issues himself. Correct. You don’t have to follow the same rules you create but can become an expert by merely observing. I had lusted over men so much that I had started thinking like them. So without further delay let me begin answering the question that all you desperate women who have to resort to this article to find out that answer have been waiting for. “How do you find out if a man likes you?”  Now firstly, I just want you to ask yourself a quick question – has he messaged in the past 24 hours of you reading this article? Now unless you and your “friend” have had a fallout – he should have messaged. If a man likes you, he will let you know that he does. It’s that simple. The radar in his pants will direct him towards you and he will make every move in his book to get you to connect with his wifi. But how can you be sure that he is really into you and not just wanting to get into you? That’s the difficult question. Look out for these signs.
A man who is really into you he will never rush to get into a relationship with you but will still let it be known that he is interested.  He will ask you out for drinks but will not try to get into your pants immediately. He will keep an open communication but will keep in touch so you don’t forget him. He will try to find out what you like and what you don’t and he will tease you very often to get a reaction out of you. He will listen to every thing you have to say very attentively and prove to you that he remembers each thing you say by bringing it up in a conversation – “Let’s not go to town today, I know you don’t like crowded places.”  Now if all of you women are done reading the above information and thinking about the man that has been keeping you in all that suspense – slap yourself out of it and get those wet undies out of the way to read  about the men you need to avoid. There are enough douchebags in this world who have a strategy to poke you and add you to the list of  “hot women we rejected after screwing them” that they look at every morning before they leave the house. It’s their version of a manicure, pedicure topped with a full body massage. These men are like the ‘red rubber band’ from the chicken rice packets. You only use them once and they are not for personal use. If you tie your hair with one of these rubber bands – you are bound to hurt when you untie your hair losing at least 5 strands. So who are these men you avoid? You need to avoid a man who purposely messages you and then says he did it by accident. He is playing you and he doesn’t have the guts to admit that he is into you. Cross out.
Avoid a man who name drops and lets it be known that he has had a relationship or has slept with hot girls in the past month just to show off to you and make you feel like you need to be good enough.  Cross out. If this man makes plans with you and you had to cancel, he will most definitely mention his alternative plan that sounds much better than going out with you. Cross out. Also, a man whom your best friend doesn’t like is most likely a man you want to avoid. Why? Cos if he can make the time and effort to impress your best friend he wants to stay on.

Always remember, the bad boys who try to lead women on start balding at 30 and their package is so used that it almost looks like an over boiled vegetable in a bowl of noodle soup. No nutritional value. Now if you will excuse me, its time for me to go spend some quality time with the only man I have dated for the past 9 years and am married to now. Yeah bitches – be jealous. Don’t bother, he is #Sindhi. Till the next time - Over and out.

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