Thursday, 21 August 2014

Top 10 Weirdest Songs of Bollywood

Hey Peeps,

Hope you're well! In the past week, i have been reminiscing listening to Bollywood's 90s music and i must say that we sure have some of the weirdest songs. I listen to them years later and go - What? Really!? So here is a list of songs that i think are the weirdest or at least just don't make sense to me.

Song : Kash Koi Ladka mujhe pyaar karta ( Hum Hain Rahi Pyaar Ke - 1993)

1. This song is for the desperate people whose love life suck so much they have to sing this song.
    I mean really? - "Kash koi ladka mujhe pyaar karta!" This is a song no one should be singing aloud because what the subtext behind this song is - i just want to get laid and anyone will do! ANYONE.

2.   Ole Ole - Yeh Dillagi

"Jab bhi koi ladki dekhon - mera dil deewana bole, OLE OLE OLE OLE!"

If any man says the words - Ole Ole Ole Ole when he sees a woman
A) he is a freak
B) he is a freak
C) he is a pervert and he probably should sing song No. 1 on this list cos no one will date him

if a man says the words OLE OLE OLE to me - i will kick him in the nuts - i will. Even if its saif ali khan. I will.

3.  Main Laila Laila Chilaunga - Anari No.1

This is another desperate plea for attention. I mean "Main Laila Laila chilaunga kurta phad ke?"
which literally means i will tear my clothes and call out for you. I think this song is really focusing on the fact that both the actor and actresses are wearing cheap quality fabric and its really easy to tear their clothes off. And again here - this is a plea for sex. This song is basically for people who would like to go back to prehistoric times when people hung around naked. 

4.  Barana De Barana De - Insaaf 

This song really is about a man asking some money back from a woman cos he had leant it to her and she apparently didn't return it. I think whoever wrote this song for this situation should pay everyone who ever listened to this song. I think i rather a man OLE OLE me if he wants some money rather than singing the amount out so loudly.

5.  Boi Boi - Laadla 

This song is basically about a man dancing happily cos he just found out that his wife is pregnant and honestly if he my husband sang this song to me - BOI BOI , i would bitchslap him with my stomach. I mean what is BOI BOI! WHAT THE FUCK IS BOI! 
I think he is just happy to know that his package worked and he could impregnate a woman successfully instead of having to say goodbye to them in a bulk of tissues.

6.  Teri Pyaari Pyaar Baatein - Jamai Raja

This song is  for anyone with sinusitis and also in love. Rare combination but its possible. 
So these people in love - having the sniffles are screwing everyone else's happiness by sneezing in their faces. Screw the manners - we will make love in the open today and you know what 
CUM is a thing of the past - the "in" thing involved in love making today is - phlegm!

7.  Main Teri Mohabbat Mei - Tridev

This song basically has the actor asking the actress "Main teri mohabbat main pagal ho jaonga, mujhe aisa lagta hai - tujhe kaisa lagta hai?" She is already dancing around in a park with you! Really? Is it necessary to ask so many questions? Just tell her you love her and cut the crap. And if you really go mad cos you love her so much then she will leave you in an asylum - THAT'S WHAT I THINK.
Mujhe aisa lagta hai..hai..hai..hai.


8.  Ding Dong O Baby Sing a Song - Hero

This song's lyrics are - Ding Dong Oh Baby Sing a Song
Just want to tell everyone that Ding dong also means the penal area of a man's genitalia.
Now now, listen to the song and wonder why he keeps talking about the ding dong and wanting her to sing a song.  I don't know. Maybe he wants her to use his ding dong to sing the song? The appropriate instrument will be a mic.

9.   Kisi Din Banoongi - Raja

This song has the actor asking the actress to repeat everything she has been screaming out to him and vice versa. When has anyone liked repetition in love? I mean really? Imagine me telling my partner to do some household chore and if he turns around to say , " Zara phirse kehna!" I will bitchslap him with my BOI BOI.  Here is love between two individuals suffering from hearing loss. 

Alright guys - my top 10 list of Bollywood's weirdest songs!
I missed out number 10?

Here we go :

No. 10

Yeh Dua Hai Meri Rab Se - Sapne Saajan Ke

So the lyrics of this song really suggest that the actress in this scene is a slut and the hero just hopes that she likes his love making the best and she knows he has many friends and hopes that he likes her friendship the best.
If you  did the math exercise in school  
> Greater or less than. Something like that.
So basically- this a very hopeful song. They are just hoping things work out cos they may not and i think the song writer translated it so well in words. I think every relationship should be like this song. 

So yeh dua hai meri rab se, tujhe articles main sab se - yeh article pasand aaye……

No really. 
I mean it.

That's it for now guys! Hope you enjoyed my TOP 10 Weirdest Songs of Bollywood List!


Sharul Channa

Tuesday, 12 August 2014

Interview with Philippines's GB Labrador - My favorite comedian from Asia

Hey folks,

Enjoy this short interview with my favorite stand-up comedian in Asia!

                   GB LABRADOR (PHI)
                 STAND-UP COMEDIAN

1.  What are the audiences in Manila like?

Answer : They are very universal and well-versed in English. They are extremely Western and you can talk about Hollywood movies and the pop culture and they would know the references. They are very family-oriented and even though majority are Roman Catholic, they are open to any topics. They are very open-minded about the content you have to offer. As long as you mean for it to be a joke and it's not in bad taste. Basically, know how to have a good laugh.

2.  We understand you head the new comedy production house called 'Comedy Manila'. In fact, some call it a revolution. At what stage is this revolution and what are the exciting things we will get to notice in the near future?

Answer : We are at the stage of building our comedy audiences and are hitting colleges and universities  You can look out for new headliners and new upcoming comedians like Red Ollero, Victor Anastascio and James Caraan.

3.  What is a fun bit about Manila that you have?

I always poke fun of the president and how we are a third world country but we focus more on saving dolphins than starving people.

4. What would be your advice to up and coming stand-up comedians?
   Do it for the love of telling jokes. Nothing else. Everything else will follow.

5. How do we contact you for gigs, or if any of the comedians from around Asia want to do some spots in Manila?

Just message Comedy Manila on Facebook/twitter and if you want me to do a gig - just contact my sister Sharul Channa- the woman of steel!

Hope you enjoyed this one. ;)

Love and Laughter,

Sharul Channa

Friday, 8 August 2014

The Past Midnight Story.

She had been looking at him from a distance. Occasionally, glancing at him and then completely ignoring his presence. He noticed nothing because he was not even noticing her. This moment for her was what she waited for the entire week - Her weekly language school lessons. He wasn't in her class but there was a 70 percent chance for her to somehow find him around the school to just have a glance that would give her excitement, fantasy and some replay action in her head for the next week. She saw him taking the stairs down from the 4th floor but from the other side, so she took the fire exit staircase and ran down so she could catch him at the gate of the school before he made his way to recess. She made it  in time to exit the gate right after him and trying not to get too close just in case her heart skipped more than a beat. She walked into the canteen area right after him and waited for him to choose the food or drink he wanted to have. He choose the good old milo from the drinks stall and continued having his conversation with an acquaintance. As he left the shop, she went up and got milo for herself too. Carefully watching him, she strategically placed herself such that  he was diagonally opposite her. She lip read his conversation from a distance and then got lost in thought about the million possibilities they could become friends. What happened next took her by surprise. He started walking right towards her and then stood right in front of her,staring into her eyes - she was stumped.Speechless.Heart racing. Mouth dry. He said, "You're standing in front of the dustbin." She heard nothing. He said it louder this time. She moved. He threw his milo packet, looked at her and smiled and then walked away. She had found her moment. Enough to last her for a week, possibly a month.

Till the next -past midnight story…

Friday, 1 August 2014

The Great Indian Emotional Blackmail.

How do you know you're being emotionally blackmailed?
Very simple. Do you hear the following statements too much around the house?

1. But he is such a poor thing. Oh,my son.
2. I am just an old hag..i will cry and eventually die.
3. Never mind..i can spend my own money.
4. Sometimes when i see other people with their grandchildren..i wish we had one too
5. If you weren't around..i don't know what i would have done.
6. I gave up my life for you.
7. He gave up his life for you.
8. I have not bought myself a single thing since our last anniversary.
9. We always fed you first and sometimes we slept hungry.
10. Look, even my underwear has a hole.

If yes, read on.
If no, read on…you probably are being emotionally blackmailed and are in denial. If you're not Indian..i am sure you have your own version.

What is the cure for this?

TADAH! The cure for - " The Great Indian Emotional Blackmail. "

There are certain routes you can take.

1." The revenge of the great indian emotional blackmail"
     This means you do the EXACT same thing back to the people who are emotionally blackmailing you by using the same tactics they are using on you.

For example :

A (E blackmailer) : " I will eventually cry and die.."

B ( The blackmailed) : "Same."

There you go!

2.  Cry baby!

For this one -  cry out of the room every time you think you cannot handle the situation.

A (E blackmailer ) : If only my elder daughter was here because you do nothing for me..

B (The blackmailed) : Run out of the room crying and then run out of the house crying and run down the hill crying until you find a shop to buy yourself a nice cool drink. This will make your blackmailer worried that you might do something wrong to yourself and they will relax the fuck down.

3.  The cold reaction AKA - THE REBEL.

You have to give a cold reaction to each statement your blackmailer gives you.

B ( for a change..i would like to make B the emotional blackmailer) : "My legs have been hurting but i don't ask anybody for help..can u please help me clean my dishes?"

A ( The blackmailed) : "No."

4. Confuse them with other information - "The distractor!"

A (E Blackmailer) - "Your father is still alive - he can pay for my expenses..!"

B (The Blackmailed) - " Father was saying that he wanted to bring you for a holiday btw…i think to disneyland since you're into games."

A : Huh?!

If non of the above work - SLAP YOURSELF IN THE HEAD and come up with your own tactics.
Being emotionally blackmailed causes mental stress and unhappiness in you. Stop being treated that way.


Sharul Channa